About Last Night’s Dream

April 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

They say that when you dream it usually means something, that the seemingly abstract ideas you think of actually translate to something ongoing in your real life. With that said, I’d gladly invite any amateur dream psychologist to figure out what the fuck my dream last night meant.

I dreamt I was watching TV. It was a chat show a bit like Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, because he was presenting it, but it was a completely different set. He was talking to Ace Of Base, which I don’t really understand because they haven’t been relevant for well over a decade. Anyway, after a chat (which I remember none of, unfortunately) they went to the stage to play a song or two.

They started singing a song, but it wasn’t one of their hits, even though it sounded very similar. It would appear that my subconscious created a brand new Ace Of Base song with lyrics and everything (sorry if you’re reading this Ace Of Base, I can’t remember it that well so I can’t sell you it, and even if I could have my asking price would be a startling TWENTY POUNDS STERLING).

On the stage, behind them, was a wine red couch. This wasn’t part of the chat show, this was their own scenery, a prop they were using for their performance. Maybe the song was about a couch or something, I’m not sure. For all I know it could have been an IKEA reference because I think they’re Swedish. Regardless, for whatever reason there was a couch there, sitting at the back of the stage.

About a minute into the song a midget woman wearing her hair up and wearing a black party dress walks onto the stage behind them. This isn’t her but it was the closest photo I could find. Imagine this without the tattoos.

Anyway, this midget woman walks onto the stage, slowly climbs up onto the couch and starts jumping up and down on it as if it was a trampoline.

At this point the studio audience becomes LIVID and starts screaming obscenities at the midget – “get off that couch you fucking midget”, “you’ll ruin that couch you midget prick”, “she hasn’t even taken her little shoes off, the bitch” – that sort of thing. All the while Ace Of Base continue to play, clearly aware of the situation but sticking to the old adage that the show must go on.

After about thirty seconds the midget climbs down off the couch and runs away. The crowd cheers and quietly resumes enjoying the Ace Of Base performance.

Another minute or two passes and as Ace Of Base finish their second chorus, the midget sneaks back onto the stage, climbs back onto the couch and starts bouncing up and down again. The crowd are even angrier than before, they’re absolutely FURIOUS. “That tiny cow’s on the couch again!” “Get fucking OFF!” “Stop ruining it you little SLUT” etc. At one point a man from the audience actually tries to storm the stage and attack her but he’s wrestled down to the ground by a security guard and pinned to the floor, screaming “I’ll KILL the bitch” at the top of his lungs. It’s anarchy.

As the song nears the end, the midget gets off the couch again, waves at the audience then scampers off backstage. Ace Of Base then finish their song and everyone cheers, than the lead singer woman says “thank you. Sorry about the midget”.

Then I woke up.


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