I Can Stop War In Korea

December 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm Leave a comment

I have a friend back home who I’ve been mates with ever since we started primary school together. At various points in the years that have since passed we’ve had physical contact at one time or another – be it through fights, accidentally bumping into each other in the hallway, or back in the WWF days when I pretended to be Razor Ramon and he was the Repo Man. My point is, I’ve made physical contact with him on numerous occasions (and it’s all been above board).

Back in 2001, my friend was at Celtic Park and saw Neil Lennon, who had just joined Celtic the year previously. He asked for a photo with him, and Neil kindly obliged. My mate put his arm over his shoulder and the photo was taken. Physical contact was made.

It is now 2010 and Neil Lennon is now the manager of Celtic. In his 29-man squad are players of all nationalities: a Mexican, a German, a Norwegian, a Dutchman… there are even a couple of Scots in there. Among these players are Cha Du-Ri and Ki Sun-Yeung. Both players are from South Korea. When Celtic win matches Neil Lennon often runs onto the pitch and embraces his players as a sign of appreciation of their efforts. Again, physical contact is made.

Both Ki and Cha are due to return to Korea early in 2011 to take part in the Asian Cup. Being in Group C and Group D, if South Korea and North Korea both progress past the group stages there’s a chance they’ll end up playing against each other, and there’s a very good chance either Cha or Ki will play. Football being football, and given the two countries’ current hostility, it’s inevitable that over the course of 90 minutes Cha or Ki will make physical contact with a North Korean player.

When the North Korean team are eventually knocked out of the competition they will return back to North Korea and get a bollocking from Kim Jong-Il, the mack daddy of North Korea. He’ll probably give them a clip round the ear, a kick in the testicles… the detail isn’t important but what’s certain is that physical contact will be made.

The reason for this elaborate tale of connections is that via the childhood physics of “electricity” this means I will have made physical contact with Kim Jong-Il, via a chain of contact that includes myself, my friend from school, Neil Lennon, Ki Sun-Yeung or Cha Du-Ri, a North Korean player and the big man himself. It’ll mean we’re essentially brothers.

So if someone could give me his phone number I’ll give him a call and ask him to pack it in. Problem solved.

A happy Kim Jong-Il

"No problem Chris, I suppose I WAS a bit of a tit"


Entry filed under: Ideas. Tags: , , , , , , .

It’s Cold… Weather You Like It Or Not It’s Mister Nasty Time

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Past Mumblings

%d bloggers like this: